I hate the first tests of the semester, because the professor is still an unknown entity, and you have no idea what to expect. You have a month's worth of notes - which you take very carefully and clearly, a fact appreciated by yourself and your classmates - but when it comes down to it, there is just so much information.
If you're lucky, you get a study guide. Sometimes they are really good and tell you exactly what is going to be on the test - thank you, Latin class. No surprises there - a hell of a lot of material, but with the kindness of quizzes (yes, kindness) that force you to learn the material early and keep up with the vocabulary, it's really not difficult to study for. Just time consuming.
Sometimes the study guide is more general - a list of the most important stuff and a general idea of what to expect for an essay, so that although you're still not 100% sure, you can focus your studying on what the professor feels are the most important areas - and you know which areas those are. These are really helpful.
But sometimes you get almost no guidance at all, and after weeks of taking down notes, especially the details that the professor mentions, because they help so much in your essays, but when it comes down to preparing for the test you just don't know. Does he think this or that is more important? Which of the 50 people we discussed in class should you be prepared to give an identification answer for? Which of the themes will the essays cover? How can you possibly fully prepare to write a good essay with details when the essay questions could literally be anything that was covered in class?
That's what I hate about the first test - the uncertainty. After the first test you get more of a feel for the professor, even if they don't give you any hints for studying. And I'm a big girl, and I can handle that, but god damn is it frustrating. And it is so much worse in college because instead of being just a fraction of your grade, you know, the midterm is worth 30-40% and a bad grade on it will seriously mess up your chances of getting an A in the course.
I pride myself on being a good student. I start studying early and I learn the material inside and out. I consider and answer any possible essay questions given on a study guide. I know all the dates and events and important people. I study my vocabulary and keep the cards so that I can review them when doing assignments. But it is simply impossible to prepare for the test I am taking; I have no idea how I am going to pull this off. And, because I'm me, I am going to beat myself up over a mediocre test score when I COULD have done better if I had just known what to expect.
Sometimes I just want to call it quits and go to sleep for the night - and if my test wasn't first thing in the morning, I probably would, because a good sleep will do wonders for your ability to think clearly, especially if you get to the point where you're stressed out just thinking about writing three essays in a 50 minute time frame. It takes me 50 minutes to write ONE good essay in a regular class; and they are fine tiny works of informative literature. This all would be better if I could take my time to actually do it right - but no matter what, no matter how much I study, I'm going to feel rushed. And that stresses me out, so I have a harder time focusing on actually preparing. So I worry about not being prepared.
It's a vicious cycle, the kind that people really don't fully understand unless they struggle with anxiety issues. It starts accidentally and then it sucks you in and can't get out, you're just swirling around in a vortex of worry and fear and stress. That sounds like some weird carnival ride, doesn't it?
Coming soon: Vortex of Fear! Thrill seekers, be rushed off the ground and spun around faster than you thought was possible, and the more you scream and the more scared you get, the faster it goes!
It's not as fun as it sounds, trust me.
And if you're thinking it actually doesn't sound very fun at all, you're not wrong, but it's still a little bit less fun than you're imagining.
But you know, I'm really having focus problems this weekend. I've been studying since Tuesday or so and I'm just ready for a break mentally, so here I am, whining about having to study and inventing roller coaster rides for the insane instead of actually sucking it up and getting it done. Hmmmm.
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