I saw my first firefly tonight.
I am not sure why, but they make me think of my father. He and I have a lot in common, from ADD and "smarts", to a love for board games, and so much more. We share the same excitement about the Christmas season - and lightning bugs.
I hate bugs, and insects, and all things creepy-crawly. But there is something so magical about a field full of fireflies, flashing in the evening, right after the sun goes down. I like to go stand in the middle of them, and see them light up the world around me. It is beautiful.
My dad gets that, I think.
He went into the hospital tonight, because he got a crazy fever, and while he will be fine it was still super stressful. It reminds me of the complete & total fear I felt when he had his heart attack in 2007; which was the worst day of my life, I was so scared. Today was nothing like that - but it reminded me.
I hope that years from now, when he is gone and I am old, I can still walk into a field of fireflies and appreciate the beauty; feel the same magic from them that I did when I was young, and know that it was something that my dad also loved.
30 May 2010
27 May 2010
On Diversity & Adversity
In my history class I sit between two men; one is Asian (I believe he said Korean, but I am not sure) and the other is Middle Eastern - born in Afghanistan and raised in Russia before coming to the US as a teenager. Neither one of them speak English as a first language. We were blessed with an unusually long break tonight when my professor left the room for 20 minutes instead of 10, and the three of us got into a rather interesting discussion.
Basically they were explaining to me what it is like to be in college in America but to not speak English well. Both of them, I believe, would be considered fluent in English - but they both have thick accents, and trouble with grammar, they said. In order to get their associates degree they have to take English classes, and while some of their teachers have been forgiving with their papers, etc, apparently not everyone has been. Every assignment for them involves translating their thoughts into English at least partially, because they said that they don't think in English.
I can't imagine how hard that must be. Some people can pick up languages easily, but I am not one of them. I "get" Latin, but I struggled for years with Spanish in high school and middle school. Admittedly I was not very dedicated to the subject. But to live in a country, and go to school in a country where hardly anyone knows your language - that has to be incredibly difficult. I don't think I could do it, and I consider myself a very intelligent and hard-working person.
I won't mention names as I do not know these people well, but they were both incredibly friendly and I really admire their dedication to education. They both stated how difficult they found writing essays & papers, and one spoke of his intention to go to medical school at VCU. I am not sure I have ever been as dedicated to anything as they are to their educations; and they don't take any of it for granted. Their attitudes about life are very admirable, and it is something I think a lot of people would do well to notice.
It is in the face of adversity is where people show their truth, who they really are. The best of us will use a challenge as a reason to push ourselves harder and succeed; the worst of us will simply stop trying. Most of us are guilty of both. I think that people who try to make the best out of any situation are the inspirational ones, who make you a better person just by being a part of your life.
You learn something from everyone you let in, and you are teaching them, too. One of the reasons that I am so attached to David is that every day he makes me want to be a better person, because he is so kind. Or my grandmother, who lost both a husband and a daughter too soon, and yet is full of more love than most people I know. Let every experience you have and every person you love enrich your life, learn all you can from them, and realize that you never stop being a student - you never stop growing as a person.
Basically they were explaining to me what it is like to be in college in America but to not speak English well. Both of them, I believe, would be considered fluent in English - but they both have thick accents, and trouble with grammar, they said. In order to get their associates degree they have to take English classes, and while some of their teachers have been forgiving with their papers, etc, apparently not everyone has been. Every assignment for them involves translating their thoughts into English at least partially, because they said that they don't think in English.
I can't imagine how hard that must be. Some people can pick up languages easily, but I am not one of them. I "get" Latin, but I struggled for years with Spanish in high school and middle school. Admittedly I was not very dedicated to the subject. But to live in a country, and go to school in a country where hardly anyone knows your language - that has to be incredibly difficult. I don't think I could do it, and I consider myself a very intelligent and hard-working person.
I won't mention names as I do not know these people well, but they were both incredibly friendly and I really admire their dedication to education. They both stated how difficult they found writing essays & papers, and one spoke of his intention to go to medical school at VCU. I am not sure I have ever been as dedicated to anything as they are to their educations; and they don't take any of it for granted. Their attitudes about life are very admirable, and it is something I think a lot of people would do well to notice.
It is in the face of adversity is where people show their truth, who they really are. The best of us will use a challenge as a reason to push ourselves harder and succeed; the worst of us will simply stop trying. Most of us are guilty of both. I think that people who try to make the best out of any situation are the inspirational ones, who make you a better person just by being a part of your life.
You learn something from everyone you let in, and you are teaching them, too. One of the reasons that I am so attached to David is that every day he makes me want to be a better person, because he is so kind. Or my grandmother, who lost both a husband and a daughter too soon, and yet is full of more love than most people I know. Let every experience you have and every person you love enrich your life, learn all you can from them, and realize that you never stop being a student - you never stop growing as a person.
21 May 2010
I have mentioned already that I love baseball and that David and I first bonded over baseball. But I really love the summertime when baseball is in season and we can actually go see some games. I am hoping we can catch a few more before the summer is over!
Baseball has returned to Richmond in the form of the Flying Squirrels. Eventually I will get around to posting my list of new names for MLB teams that are stupid (but still better than the flying squirrels!)
Anyway Wednesday was "Bark in the Park" night at the Squirrels game and David and I took Phoebe. We had a really good time and Pheebs seemed to enjoy herself also. The squirrels suck, by the way, but the tickets are cheap and baseball games are always a fun time so I am sure David and I will be going back.
Last night we went to see the Nationals up in DC and that was a really good game. The Nats lost but it was exciting to watch, and we had really awesome seats - in the front row of center field/right field. It was a really good time and it makes me wish the Nats were a little closer, because I hate making that drive after the game. I got home around 2am & then crashed.
Last night during the game, David looked at me and said, "I'm so glad you like baseball!" and I responded with the same thing; we have so much fun going to games together :)
Baseball has returned to Richmond in the form of the Flying Squirrels. Eventually I will get around to posting my list of new names for MLB teams that are stupid (but still better than the flying squirrels!)
Anyway Wednesday was "Bark in the Park" night at the Squirrels game and David and I took Phoebe. We had a really good time and Pheebs seemed to enjoy herself also. The squirrels suck, by the way, but the tickets are cheap and baseball games are always a fun time so I am sure David and I will be going back.
Last night we went to see the Nationals up in DC and that was a really good game. The Nats lost but it was exciting to watch, and we had really awesome seats - in the front row of center field/right field. It was a really good time and it makes me wish the Nats were a little closer, because I hate making that drive after the game. I got home around 2am & then crashed.
Last night during the game, David looked at me and said, "I'm so glad you like baseball!" and I responded with the same thing; we have so much fun going to games together :)
15 May 2010
On Solitude & Inspiration
Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome for the character.--James Russell Lowell
Just something to think about.
I am not really an introvert, in fact the Myers-Briggs test places me far on the extroverted side of the spectrum, but I think that a lot of good can come from being alone. Maybe it is because I am an only child, who was not an altogether popular kid when I was younger, but I figured out how to entertain myself and be comfortable alone. I love my friends and I love to be social, but there is a sort of inner strength I find when spending the evening alone.
I really agree with this quote, though, because nearly all of my ideas and inspiration come from being alone. I thought of the plot and the characters for my first story over the course of a winter at my old job. I would spend every morning alone on the property with my breath visible as I worked. It was peaceful and very beautiful. There is a warn dirt path that leads from the barn through the woods over a few acres, to the field where the horses graze. I would walk it every morning and it just felt magical. When I write about the forest in my story, I am right back there again, feeling the leaves crunch beneath my feet and hearing the quiet, even steps of the horses.
That's not my only story, now. I have other ideas floating around my head, which I imagine to be a bit like the pensieve in the Harry Potter series, with different characters and plot points sort of swirling about in complete disarray. It is only when I am alone that I can pull them out, one at a time, and on pen and paper make sense of them all.
Just something to think about.
I am not really an introvert, in fact the Myers-Briggs test places me far on the extroverted side of the spectrum, but I think that a lot of good can come from being alone. Maybe it is because I am an only child, who was not an altogether popular kid when I was younger, but I figured out how to entertain myself and be comfortable alone. I love my friends and I love to be social, but there is a sort of inner strength I find when spending the evening alone.
I really agree with this quote, though, because nearly all of my ideas and inspiration come from being alone. I thought of the plot and the characters for my first story over the course of a winter at my old job. I would spend every morning alone on the property with my breath visible as I worked. It was peaceful and very beautiful. There is a warn dirt path that leads from the barn through the woods over a few acres, to the field where the horses graze. I would walk it every morning and it just felt magical. When I write about the forest in my story, I am right back there again, feeling the leaves crunch beneath my feet and hearing the quiet, even steps of the horses.
That's not my only story, now. I have other ideas floating around my head, which I imagine to be a bit like the pensieve in the Harry Potter series, with different characters and plot points sort of swirling about in complete disarray. It is only when I am alone that I can pull them out, one at a time, and on pen and paper make sense of them all.
14 May 2010
Going down swinging...
I am a Cubs fan. I have an endless supply of clothing items bearing their logo, two lucky bracelets, and I seriously considered naming my dog Theriot. My car liscense plate reads GOCBSGO - which is not, as most people think, expressing my love for the television channel. It is the name of the song hey play at Wrigley when the Cubs when a game at home. Its also one of my ringtones.
A lot of people ask me "Why the Cubs?" - I never really know how to answer that question. My dad is a Yankees fan and has been my entire life. Had I started watching baseball when I was younger I would undoubtedly be one myself; a stuffed bear from Yankee Stadium that he brought home from a business trip when I was 5 remains one of my favorites today.
My boyfriend can't decide whether he likes the Nationals or the Indians better, but either way, it's not the Cubs. our first date was actually watching a game in the 2008 Post Season. He could tell you which games were playing, and probably the score of the game, because that is the sort of thing he remembers. I just knew a man who agreed that watching a baseball game in a sports bar was the best first date ever was a guy worth holding on to.
So, why the Cubs?
I think part of it is that I am a classic underdog myself. Would YOU expect someone entering their 7th year of college this fall to have a nearly 4.0 GPA? Yeah, I didn't think you would. When I rode in IHSA at college - in the days before VI - my coach never made me the point rider for the team, and then got pissed off when I beat whoever she had selected every time. When i won the first IHSA class I ever competed in, edging out he rider whose points counted for the team total that day (she took second place), my coach didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Let's just say that I am used to being underestimated.
I'm also an optimist. I like happy endings and I will give anyone a second (or third, or twelfth) chance to not let me down. A team that hasn't won the world series in a hundred years? Oh yeah, I'm on board. Besides, it just feels right. I never got behind the Yankees this way, and even though the Nationals are way closer and every game is televised here, I just don't like them the same way.
That being said... This season has been INCREDIBLY painful to watch. It seems that every game I watch, they blow a lead and end up losing 14-2. They just haven't been able to get it together this season, and I don't know what the problem is because we have some really excellent players and our starting pitchers have really done well. Our bull pen has been crap, sure, but our hitters aren't hitting and our fielders are making errors and it has just been a big mess.
On and off, of course. They have won the games that I haven't watched. I'm starting to feel like a curse - the Curse of Mabry, perhaps?- wherein every game I watch, they lose. Thank goodness for my work schedule making me miss games or their record would be 0-35!
Today, though, the game has been really good. Even if they lose, they are playing well, so that is a positive thing to say about today. There have been times this year where I have been really close to just not even bothering to watch the games. But I keep coming back, every game that I can watch I turn on & hope for the best. That we will turn this season around and stop embarrassing ourselves. That we can get above .500. That maybe, maaaaybe this will be the year.
A lot of people ask me "Why the Cubs?" - I never really know how to answer that question. My dad is a Yankees fan and has been my entire life. Had I started watching baseball when I was younger I would undoubtedly be one myself; a stuffed bear from Yankee Stadium that he brought home from a business trip when I was 5 remains one of my favorites today.
My boyfriend can't decide whether he likes the Nationals or the Indians better, but either way, it's not the Cubs. our first date was actually watching a game in the 2008 Post Season. He could tell you which games were playing, and probably the score of the game, because that is the sort of thing he remembers. I just knew a man who agreed that watching a baseball game in a sports bar was the best first date ever was a guy worth holding on to.
So, why the Cubs?
I think part of it is that I am a classic underdog myself. Would YOU expect someone entering their 7th year of college this fall to have a nearly 4.0 GPA? Yeah, I didn't think you would. When I rode in IHSA at college - in the days before VI - my coach never made me the point rider for the team, and then got pissed off when I beat whoever she had selected every time. When i won the first IHSA class I ever competed in, edging out he rider whose points counted for the team total that day (she took second place), my coach didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Let's just say that I am used to being underestimated.
I'm also an optimist. I like happy endings and I will give anyone a second (or third, or twelfth) chance to not let me down. A team that hasn't won the world series in a hundred years? Oh yeah, I'm on board. Besides, it just feels right. I never got behind the Yankees this way, and even though the Nationals are way closer and every game is televised here, I just don't like them the same way.
That being said... This season has been INCREDIBLY painful to watch. It seems that every game I watch, they blow a lead and end up losing 14-2. They just haven't been able to get it together this season, and I don't know what the problem is because we have some really excellent players and our starting pitchers have really done well. Our bull pen has been crap, sure, but our hitters aren't hitting and our fielders are making errors and it has just been a big mess.
On and off, of course. They have won the games that I haven't watched. I'm starting to feel like a curse - the Curse of Mabry, perhaps?- wherein every game I watch, they lose. Thank goodness for my work schedule making me miss games or their record would be 0-35!
Today, though, the game has been really good. Even if they lose, they are playing well, so that is a positive thing to say about today. There have been times this year where I have been really close to just not even bothering to watch the games. But I keep coming back, every game that I can watch I turn on & hope for the best. That we will turn this season around and stop embarrassing ourselves. That we can get above .500. That maybe, maaaaybe this will be the year.
06 May 2010
Life, Etc
So for awhile I was writing all the time, Dave was writing all the time, and the few people out there in cyberspace who followed this blog had a vague idea what was going on in my life. It has been like 6 months since I updated and so much has changed that I don't even know where to begin.
I think I will skip most of it because in the grand scheme of things it really is irrelevant, and that's part of why this blog was never updated about it in the first place.
I am, however, returning to school in the fall, which is really exciting for me. For one thing I am tired of my friends who have graduated giving me a hard time about it - but it is also nice for there to feel like the end is in sight. I'm loving my job at the kennel but it definitely isn't a career, and while I do have friends with degrees who are also working dead end jobs - some who have been to grad school - I know it isn't going to hurt my chances.
I have been thinking a lot about the future lately, and that is part of it. I feel like I have spent so much of my life wishing to be older & waiting for the future, but really. I want to be out of school, I want to have a real job, and I want to be married to David. And he knows that, and he knows that I won't do it until we both have careers and better stability etc etc etc.
This has been sort of a stressful year so far, and it is amazing to have someone by my side that loves & understands me the way that he does. I have known from the very first date that he was special but every day that I spend with him, he manages to surprise me with his kindness even more. He's the nicest person I've ever known.
Anyway I am going to try to update this a bit more regularly. I've got a lot to write about - there is a lot going on these days.
By the way I wrote this on my iPad, my very favorite new toy! :)
I think I will skip most of it because in the grand scheme of things it really is irrelevant, and that's part of why this blog was never updated about it in the first place.
I am, however, returning to school in the fall, which is really exciting for me. For one thing I am tired of my friends who have graduated giving me a hard time about it - but it is also nice for there to feel like the end is in sight. I'm loving my job at the kennel but it definitely isn't a career, and while I do have friends with degrees who are also working dead end jobs - some who have been to grad school - I know it isn't going to hurt my chances.
I have been thinking a lot about the future lately, and that is part of it. I feel like I have spent so much of my life wishing to be older & waiting for the future, but really. I want to be out of school, I want to have a real job, and I want to be married to David. And he knows that, and he knows that I won't do it until we both have careers and better stability etc etc etc.
This has been sort of a stressful year so far, and it is amazing to have someone by my side that loves & understands me the way that he does. I have known from the very first date that he was special but every day that I spend with him, he manages to surprise me with his kindness even more. He's the nicest person I've ever known.
Anyway I am going to try to update this a bit more regularly. I've got a lot to write about - there is a lot going on these days.
By the way I wrote this on my iPad, my very favorite new toy! :)
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