Strong at the Broken Places

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."
- Ernest Hemingway

I saw this quote on a childhood friend's facebook page last night, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I was thinking about how much it applies to my life, and reflecting over the last few years. I started this blog in 2006 when I was really depressed (though I have since gone back and deleted the evidence) and the difference in the last 3 years is really striking.

There have really only been two real "breaks" in my life - one with my dreams, which I've written about earlier, and one with my heart. And I really do feel stronger because of both of them. I'm a better, healthier, happier person because of it. And I've learned not to take certain things for granted.

For instance, and I'll try to leave the nauseatingly sweet details out of this - my love with David. He is genuinely the nicest, sweetest guy I've ever met. We complement each other so perfectly that it's hard to believe I haven't loved him all of my life. He gives me love & support in a way that no one ever has; he inspires me to be a better person just by being in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl, and every single day I am thankful that by some miracle he feels the same way about me. It's the sort of romance you read about in fairytales, the kind I didn't believe actually existed until I was fortunate enough to experience it myself. And it isn't just me that's noticed it - I've had friends tell me the same thing. One told me that we remind her of Edward & Bella, and while I grimaced at that originally, I do sort of see her point. For me, there is only David. I just don't see other men that way anymore.

That's not to say that we don't argue, or that everything's perfect all the time - because it's not. But I do know how lucky I am, and three years ago I was not able to see the positive side of things. I've grown up so much in the past few years that I surprise myself sometimes, I think if I met the 2006 version of Libby I'd barely recognize myself. I'd have some things to say to her, though, about the way that things are going to get better - better than I ever imagined. About how it's okay to make mistakes because they'll lead you down paths that you couldn't see before. About how it's okay to break down now, because in time, you'll be stronger than ever.

2006 Libby would not have been able to deal with 2009. It's been a difficult one, starting with January 5th or whatever day it was that I was crushed by Traveller. It's been hard on my emotions - struggling through classes all semester and then having to drop them in the last few weeks. It's been harder on my body - surgery and the recovery has been more painful than even dealing with my migraines circa 2002. I think that 2006 Libby would have given up. But the me today has kept pushing through everything because I know that, in the end, it'll all be worth it.

In fact, if I was given the choice today, to live one year of my life to date over and over for all of eternity, sort of like a messed up version of Groundhog's Day, I'd pick 2009. A lot of that is because of him - but it's because of me, too. I'm really happy with the person that I've become. And even with all of the physical pain of this spring and summer, this really has been an amazing year.

History Class, the Drinking Game

Really this is a bit of an inside joke between me and David buuuut it was really funny so I wanted to save it somewhere.


Drink...
-Every time there's a silence after a bad joke
-Every time fat girl laughs or is amazed by something that is not funny or common fact
-Every time professor makes a crazy hand movement
-Every time professor makes a sexist or racist comment
-Every time professor gives us detailed information about her extended family
-Every time professor tells us the opposite is something is anti-that something


I'm sure we'll add to this list over the course of the semester.

I feel so old today.

Cross posted from Facebook, David has started blogging again so I figure - I can, too :) I doubt I'll keep up with it but who knows.


The first day of classes were today - the umpteenth first day of classes in my lifetime thus far. But today is the first time that I felt really *old* because of it.

I'm taking a US history class with David this semester - one I almost made it all the way through last semester before having to drop towards the end due to my shoulder. That class was lovely, the professor was very good and the rest of the people in the class were at least somewhat mature and around my age.

Tonight was very, very different. As Dave and I watched the students file into class we were both struck by how young everyone looked - he even commented about some of them looking about 12. I figured they must be 18 (college, right?) but I kind of agreed with him. Everyone was so... childish. The way they acted and dressed really made me feel about 10 years older than they were.

The "professor" is, I think, my age. She's loud and can't follow a single thought without going off on approximately 3 unrelated stories. I wish I was exaggerating. While discussing the syllabus she gave a run down of her friends' and family members' favorite movies. It also took her the entire class period to READ through the syllabus - the whole hour and a half. Who does that??

And of course the young girls in the class thought this was fantastic - one in particular was laughing like she was watching a comedy show. I really didn't see the humor in the grading scale or test schedule, but admittedly, I wasn't exactly looking for it.

I'm all about fun in the classroom - make it an enjoyable experience, I appreciate that. But I don't appreciate such inability to focus on the subject matter that you're getting paid to teach - that we are paying to receive. Is it at all relevant to the discussion that when you were in Washington DC you saw a tall man in a loincloth made from bluejeans and carrying a spear? Because I thought we were talking about class objectives.

Six years ago, would I have found that story entertaining? Possibly. I've always been more mature than most people my age when it comes to some things. The teacher was very obviously trying to be "cool" - and seriously failing, in my opinion. You know what makes a professor cool?

Respect for students - treat me like an adult
Sense of humor - applied to the subject matter appropriately.
Focus - be the authority figure, teach us, we're here to learn.
And of course a knowledge of the material, and admittedly, that's the one thing she did seem to have.

I'm sure that's one of the problems of being in school this long - specifically of being in community college and taking mainly entry level courses. Most people there are straight out of high school, and every year I get further from that point in my life. The people that teach here are not excellent instructors, for the most part - the best ones will go to "real" colleges, you know? You do get some good ones and I've been fairly lucky so far in my time there in that I've only had one professor I really hated.

Good things about the class though - it'll be easy. 4 tests, which count for 90% of the grade - 10% for participation and attendance. No papers or anything. I could do this with my eyes close and my ears plugged. Too easy, drill sergeant.

Creative Writing and then Anatomy tomorrow. I've been trying for 2 years to get into this writing class so I'm excited for that one - and Anatomy is supposed to be really hard, even at Tyler, so hopefully it'll give me the challenge that I love in a class. As for History, I've got David at my side (literally) to help me get through it and I think he'll keep me from going crazy with boredom :)