It's mathematically impossible for me to do that

I hate the first tests of the semester, because the professor is still an unknown entity, and you have no idea what to expect. You have a month's worth of notes - which you take very carefully and clearly, a fact appreciated by yourself and your classmates - but when it comes down to it, there is just so much information.

If you're lucky, you get a study guide. Sometimes they are really good and tell you exactly what is going to be on the test - thank you, Latin class. No surprises there - a hell of a lot of material, but with the kindness of quizzes (yes, kindness) that force you to learn the material early and keep up with the vocabulary, it's really not difficult to study for. Just time consuming.

Sometimes the study guide is more general - a list of the most important stuff and a general idea of what to expect for an essay, so that although you're still not 100% sure, you can focus your studying on what the professor feels are the most important areas - and you know which areas those are. These are really helpful.

But sometimes you get almost no guidance at all, and after weeks of taking down notes, especially the details that the professor mentions, because they help so much in your essays, but when it comes down to preparing for the test you just don't know. Does he think this or that is more important? Which of the 50 people we discussed in class should you be prepared to give an identification answer for? Which of the themes will the essays cover? How can you possibly fully prepare to write a good essay with details when the essay questions could literally be anything that was covered in class?

That's what I hate about the first test - the uncertainty. After the first test you get more of a feel for the professor, even if they don't give you any hints for studying. And I'm a big girl, and I can handle that, but god damn is it frustrating. And it is so much worse in college because instead of being just a fraction of your grade, you know, the midterm is worth 30-40% and a bad grade on it will seriously mess up your chances of getting an A in the course.

I pride myself on being a good student. I start studying early and I learn the material inside and out. I consider and answer any possible essay questions given on a study guide. I know all the dates and events and important people. I study my vocabulary and keep the cards so that I can review them when doing assignments. But it is simply impossible to prepare for the test I am taking; I have no idea how I am going to pull this off. And, because I'm me, I am going to beat myself up over a mediocre test score when I COULD have done better if I had just known what to expect.

Sometimes I just want to call it quits and go to sleep for the night - and if my test wasn't first thing in the morning, I probably would, because a good sleep will do wonders for your ability to think clearly, especially if you get to the point where you're stressed out just thinking about writing three essays in a 50 minute time frame. It takes me 50 minutes to write ONE good essay in a regular class; and they are fine tiny works of informative literature. This all would be better if I could take my time to actually do it right - but no matter what, no matter how much I study, I'm going to feel rushed. And that stresses me out, so I have a harder time focusing on actually preparing. So I worry about not being prepared.

It's a vicious cycle, the kind that people really don't fully understand unless they struggle with anxiety issues. It starts accidentally and then it sucks you in and can't get out, you're just swirling around in a vortex of worry and fear and stress. That sounds like some weird carnival ride, doesn't it?

Coming soon: Vortex of Fear! Thrill seekers, be rushed off the ground and spun around faster than you thought was possible, and the more you scream and the more scared you get, the faster it goes!
It's not as fun as it sounds, trust me.
And if you're thinking it actually doesn't sound very fun at all, you're not wrong, but it's still a little bit less fun than you're imagining.

But you know, I'm really having focus problems this weekend. I've been studying since Tuesday or so and I'm just ready for a break mentally, so here I am, whining about having to study and inventing roller coaster rides for the insane instead of actually sucking it up and getting it done. Hmmmm.

Put Your Hands Up

This is what a sold out baseball game looks like.

I caved.

So after my post earlier, I sat here thinking about how much I've missed having a working camera and the ability to take higher quality pictures than what I get with my iPhone - which is excellent for a cell phone camera, but still nothing like a real camera.


I started researching pretty much as soon as I published the last blog entry, and ended up picking a model online. I went with the Canon Powershot because it is pretty much the only camera I have ever owned - this is my third or fourth version of it. Only this time it is a bit flashier and fancier I think, and it cost less than the one I ended up with a few years ago, because the price of cameras have gone down. Anyway it is the Canon Powershot SX120 IS.


Anyway, I think I am going to be really happy with it. It had nothing but positive reviews online and I desperately wanted something with a better zoom than my last camera so that I could take better pictures at ballparks and the barn. Still not as fancy as what I hope to end up with some day - but this is actually the first camera that I have paid for myself and I'm really happy with my choice. All of the others I have received as gifts and I didn't really want to be a part of the choosing process.

After locating a local store that sold it, I went to pick it up and then drove over to the river to play around with it a little. It was just before sunset and I spent about 20 minutes walking around and snapping pictures. I got a few that I think are pretty neat.

This is looking through some safety bars out into the James.

 This is a picture of a tree that I adore.

Waves on the rocks

Baseball in September

I haven't mentioned the Cubs in awhile - and can you blame me, really? 2010 has been the worst year for the Cubs since I started following the team closely; prior to this it sometimes did really feel like it COULD be the year for them. But 2010 has been a disaster since opening day, and it hasn't really gotten any better. A lot of times it felt worse. We traded Theriot, Fontenot, and Lee - three of my favorites. Losing Theriot was a big blow to me personally, I really liked him - I mean, I named my car Theriot. (He's now asking for his name to be changed to Starlin.)

Dad kept telling me that the problem was with the manager, and I didn't know how to feel about that. I think Lou Piniella was a really excellent coach and did amazing things for the club, so to hear other fans really give him a hard time was confusing to me. And I didn't understand how he could be the one causing the problems. Then, later this season, it came out that his mother was really sick and I guess he had been very distracted the whole season. First base coach Quade took over as manager and the Cubs really have been playing better - it's a shame he didn't take over sooner, he could have salvaged more of the season, and honestly I wouldn't object to him being the manager next year. He's done a great job.

Anyway. Dad's birthday is this Friday and I am really excited, because we are going to Baltimore for the weekend, and I think it will be a lot of fun. We'll be staying Friday and Saturday nights - and the best thing of course is that David will be coming. Saturday night we will be watching the Orioles take on the Yankees - since the Cubs and the Nats have been eliminated from the post season already, the Yankees are the only team I root for who are left in the race.

It's also been 2 years since we got to see them play in person, and I haven't been to a baseball game since June, so I'm ready. It'll be fun. I only wish that my camera wasn't broken so I could take lots of pictures! I also wish cameras were not so expensive - I would love to buy a new one but I just can't spend that sort of money right now. And I am so tired of having a December birthday, I can't even tell you, because that means not only will I not have a new camera in time for the baseball game, I have to wait all the way until a week before Christmas, and I am sure there are lots of things I would like to be able to take pictures of between now and then. Oh well.

I'm breaking up with Monday.

Dear Monday,


I know everyone hates you, but if you want more friends you should stop ending the weekend before we're all ready. Because of you I have to go back to class and return to the real world. That's just not cool, man.

You should be more like Friday, the start of the weekend, everyone loves Friday. If this were high school, Friday would totally be Prom Queen and you would be that guy no one really likes because he smells sort of funny and has no social skills.

Or you could be like Saturday and have awesome parties for Tricia and Derick that have entirely too much tequila, so that you have to spend all day Sunday relaxing.

You know how much everyone loves you on holidays? Long weekends are the best. Imagine how awesome you could be if every Monday was a day to relax. Then you could show everyone what an asshole Tuesday really is.

Just some things for you to think about.

Love,
Regards,
Libby

I'd write this whole thing in Latin if I could

I am really enjoying college right now - not in the sense that most people enjoy college - I'm not out partying all the time, believe me. But I love my classes - every single one of them. I never really had that experience the last time around, because I could never decide on a major. And I can tell you that I never once even considered history, it wasn't until later, after I had completely lost my way, that I was able to find individuation.

It's a real word. It isn't the same thing as individuality, which is more closely related to a person's identity; individuation is the process by which a person becomes themselves. The series of obstacles that you have to overcome that change you from the person you were into the person that you are. (I learned that in college - hi, Mom!)


Anyway, my classes are amazing. Latin is such a passion, in the strangest way, it's gloriously frustrating. It fascinates me in a way that no other subject has, but at times it is so frustrating because I have all the pieces but can't put them together. It's even better than I remember.

I'm finally taking the American History class that I've always wanted  and I have never been so excited to write a paper as I am for this class. I've had my topic chosen for over a week and tomorrow I'm going to start reading about it.

My War in the Ancient Worlds class is bittersweet; my professor is an amazing storyteller, and I've already had to ask for further reading because some of the things we've discussed were so interesting. On the other hand, though, it makes me long for the Sunday nights spent crammed around a crowded table with the sound of dice rolling around. It makes my heart ache, in a way that I'm never sure how to explain.

Ancient Mythology is something that is unlike any class I've ever had before. It is literally a man on stage in front of one hundred students telling us stories that are older than we could ever imagine, and it's really interesting, but it's so weird. And we are always talking about sex. And it isn't just because there is a lot of sex in the stories (and there really, really is) but the discussions in this class always seem to lead there. On the first day of class, the professor said, "My goal in this class is to teach you about mythology, sure, but I also want to make you look smart, so you can impress the right people and get ahead in life. Oh, and to get you laid." Everyone laughed and obviously he was joking, I just want to give you an idea of what that class is like.

And they're all a lot of reading. So much reading. But I love it, and most of the time it's really pleasant to just sit and read, with the exception of one of my textbooks which is dreadfully written and can be a real struggle to get through.

So I haven't been keeping up with writing, between the reading & workload, not getting nearly enough sleep because of a mattress that I am pretty sure is older than I am, calling my boyfriend at every opportunity, and missing my dog like crazy. And driving, and weddings, and engagement parties. Whenever I have a free minute, all I want to do is sleep. Just curl up with David and Phoebe and sleep.

My only maternal cousin got married this weekend, it was a really pretty wedding. :) This is from the reception.

What I love about Sunday

I had a whirlwind trip home this weekend - drove from NN to Richmond on Friday, made a round trip to Harrisonburg and back Saturday, and then drove back to NN today. ENOUGH DRIVING. Can I just stay here for a few weeks?


I will get around to a real post later tonight, probably, but here are the Questions posted by Tricia every week over at Spoke

1. What do you do when you have time to yourself?
Play with colorful ponies on the internet. Oh, you wish I was kidding. Also, I write when I'm alone, and do a LOT of studying these days - gotta stay on top of the workload.

2. When you look out your kitchen window, what do you see?
In Powhatan, I see the backyard, which I love, it is big and open and lots of time there are deer out there. In Newport News, I see the backyard, which is much less impressive. One day though I want to look out my window and see my horse chilling in his field. :)

3. Who/What would you be reincarted as?
I never know how to answer questions like these. I'd probably ask for a second shot at myself.

4. What is your biggest pet peeve about other people's kids?
I'm drawing a total blank with this one. Most of my issues are with the parents and not the kids themselves.

5. Regular or Diet Coke?
Diet soda for sure although I prefer Coke Zero to Diet Coke.

I'm HOME

I'm HOME.

So here's another picture I took of Newport News.