Sometimes things happen to me and I feel the need to tell everyone, right away. Usually this happens when I am nowhere near a computer because let's face it, you have to get out in the real world for interesting stuff to happen to you. However, today... something happened which will make a great story for the ages. FOR THE AGES.
I need to back up and reference my best friend's bachelorette party. For the most part, this is the night that shall never be discussed publicly, but there's something you need to know about this night. For our expedition across DC in a party bus, we were each given a penis straw. That's right. A straw which, at the top, resembles a penis. So that when you drink - well, it's a dirty straw. It's supposed to be funny, of course, but there you have it. Oh - and they came in lots of bright colors.
Mine was blue.
Somehow at the end of the night mine ended up at the bottom of my purse and has lived there ever since. I kept forgetting to take it out, because how often do you think to yourself, "I really need to take that penis out of my purse"? Not very often, unless you lead a very interesting life. So every so often I would reach in for a pen or tampon and out would come the penis straw, I would giggle and remember that night in June fondly and return the penis back to its home.
Last weekend I was hanging out with said best friend, the topic of the penis straws came up (I mean, why wouldn't it) and I reached into my purse and wanted to show her how I still had it. But alas! The penis was gone. I was pretty sad about it actually because you don't get a lot of souvenirs from a night like that - you get a hell of a hangover, but not many keepsakes. So we lamented the loss of the penis and then went about our night.
Fast forward to today. I had a few gentlemen (and I use that term in an effort to be polite) here to install air conditioning units so that my house would no longer resemble an oven. Great success! But then I reached into my purse to pull out my check book to pay for it, and as I opened my check book out fell the penis straw.
I felt a combination of joy and humiliation, for finding my long lost phallic straw and for finding it in front of a guy who had more fingers than teeth. I quickly just dumped the straw back into my purse and pretended it didn't happen - but it was too late. Guys, you should have seen the look this guy gave me. It was a combination of surprise, amusement, and a little bit of "how YOU doin'?" - I was completely mortified.
And that, my friends, just happened.
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