Oh, college.

The last few weeks have been incredibly stressful, for a number of reasons, but I really do my best to stay positive. One thing I am looking forward to the most is returning to CNU this fall. I was on campus last week to meet with the head of the history department, and even though there have been significant changes to the campus in my years away, it still feels like home as soon as I step on to it.

Registration was today, and it brought me right back to my freshman year, sitting in Santoro hall with my roommates. We all woke up early and went to breakfast - one of the few times that ever happened - and then sat on our computers, refreshing madly until registration opened. Then we would all be frustrated when our classes were full, and we had to abandon our planned schedules for less thought out, last minute decisions. We would curse the lagging Internet that cost us our first choices, cry over the 8 am classes we got stuck with, and celebrate when our earliest on Friday was at 2:00.

Today was just like that, except I wasn't sharing an internet connection with all the other kids in my dorm, and Danielle wasn't there to whine with me when things didn't go my way. The two upper level history classes I had chosen I was unable to sign up for; my advisor and I had failed to look into the prerequisites for them and I wasn't allowed to register. In their place I got into two classes for my Latin Classical Studies minor, and I'm looking forward to both of them. I have to retake Latin 1 because it has been so long, so I am actually in more Latin classes than anything else this fall. I did manage to get into one upper level history class, Chinese history, which I am hoping will be interesting. I've also got to take the sophomore writing class, which means I will be about 5 years older than everyone else taking it.

I feel older every year.

I know there is no rush but I'm ready - I'm ready to move on with my life. I want a career and a husband and all of the responsibility that comes with those things. That is not to say that I won't enjoy the next 2-3 years of my life that I spend at CNU, because I intend to. I love that school and I want to take complete advantage of this opportunity. I also don't want to look back at my life and realize I was too focused on the future to enjoy college while I could.

I didn't do things right the first time around. And I'm lucky enough to have this second chance to go back and fix it, to get it right this time. How many people can say that?

So here are my New [School] Year's Resolutions:

1. I will not skip a class for no reason or for an unsound reason. Too often I would look out of my window and it would be raining and I would decide to skip class. I want to be in class every day if possible.

2. I will dedicate myself to actually learning the material and getting work done before the last minute. I am a high stress person, and the more I do to avoid any extra tension, the easier time I will have with keeping up with the work.

3. I will remember that enjoying class is an important part of learning, so I will do my very best to keep a positive attitude no matter how stressful things get. I will take my medicine. I'm not on it for depression, rather for anxiety & OCD problems, but the idea is the same. It stabilizes my mood.

4. I will cherish the time I am able to spend with my grandmother while we live together. My mom thinks she is going to drive me crazy in the first week, but I'm excited about living with her. She is a really cool lady and I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

5. I will make time to blog about the experience. I love to write and it is good practice, and I've found that the more I write on my blog, the more I write in my stories. Like stretching before a workout, it gets me going. It is also very therapeutic so I am hoping it will help me keep the stress levels to a minimum.

That's it. It'll be my first time taking a full course load since 2006, and I'm worried about it. I am hoping that if I can stick to these goals I will be able to make a smooth transition back to "real" college, and graduate within a reasonable amount of time. I don't have it all figured out yet, and that's okay, because at least I'm actively trying to do the figuring!